Married to an NRI Psychopath – Short Story
America, a land of dreams… a land of possibilities… a symbol of success. A place where the stars get lost in millions of gorgeous lights… and winds become a constant through the AC vents. A country that promises a golden fairytale of a future to all those who look up to it.
Sure, it will startle you with all the twinkle and all the bubbly and all the fascinating ubercool life that you only dreamt of till now…but if you are really quite and listen carefully you’ll also hear the silent whimpering…if you look carefully you will see shadows of pain and betrayal in those big innocent eyes that until recently were beaming with dreams, pride and anticipation.
For an Indian parent a match from an NRI groom for their daughter is a dream come true. If the groom claims to have a house and a car in “Amrica” or “Canada” the credentials are seldom checked. The daughter is after-all infinitely lucky to have landed such a priceless proposition and lest such an “offer” gets out of hand she is married off to the groom as soon as possible without any further ado and after satisfying all the whims of the groom and his family. Such a match not only results in a social ascending for the bride’s family but also ensures a better future prospect for the other siblings of the bride.
After the marriage most newly wedded brides don’t even make it to their husband’s home as they are abandoned after marriage by their in-laws after offcource they have been ripped off of all their jewelleries, their passport and their valuables. The ones that make it to the other country with their husbands, most have more horrifying tales to tell.
According to “Manavi”, a New Jersey-based women’s rights organization that works to end all forms of violence against South Asian women living in the US, a staggering number of women are found abandoned by their newly wedded husbands at the airport. The story almost always is unanimous. Unsuspecting brides trust their husbands completely and handover their luggage (most of the time containing jewelleries and other valuables) and passports to their husbands for safe-keep. Upon landing at the alien country the wife is asked to wait while the “chivalrous” husband goes to finish off with the custom clearance with the luggage and both the passports while the wife waits on… only to find out that the husband is never going to return and all the credentials given (that were never cross checked before the wedding in the first place) were all wrong. The result is an absolutely devastated, completely lost, utterly frightened, highly intimidated woman standing in an alien land, most often unable to even comprehend the language.
Then again there are some who actually make it to their husband’s home. Lucky them! Once they reach their matrimonial house to their horror most of the time they realise the person who they married and the actual person are two very different people!
Most psychiatrists say that there is a growing trend that the moment the parents realise there is a personality disorder in their children, rather than treating them they prefer sending their child away from the relatives. Or shall we say in a way “hide” their children from their relatives. And what better way to do so than a good job in the USA. And how can we forget the age old remedy of all mental disorders….marriage! Parents always think that marriage will ”fix” whatever is wrong with their child. If he is irresponsible get him married, if he is a sex-addict get him married, if he is a psychopath get him married…even if it’s at the cost of destroying another innocent life…who cares?
So imagine the plight of the bride when she realises she is married to a monster. She is in an alien country, where her existence depends on her husband’s existence. She is more than a day and perhaps financially impossibly away from her parents, she cannot understand or speak the dialect of the place (most often than not), is at the mercy of a still stranger who is supposed to be her husband who treats her like an animal. Physical violence might not be so noticeable among Indian couples in that country because Indian men are extremely scared of leaving tell-tale signs but mental abuse and marital rape are rampant.
According to “Manavi” such plight of Indian women specifically South Asian women (South Asian women are those who identify their country of origin as Bangladesh, India, Nepal, Pakistan, or Sri Lanka) are mind blowing! They can only rescue a handful. Only to be sent back to the hell by their own parents in the name of “compromise” of which they never hear from again.
Marrying a mentally disbalanced person can destroy a person in every possible way not to mention it can be fatal.
Psychopaths lack a functioning conscience, and their defining quality is a complete lack of empathy and remorse. They are skilled, however, at reading and manipulating the emotions of others in order to get what they want.
According to Dr. Robert D. Hare, the foremost authority on psychopaths, these are some of the defining characteristics of psychopaths: glibness and superficial charm, grandiose sense of self-worth, pathological lying, lack of remorse and guilt, callous/lack of empathy.
According to a few eminent psychiatrists clinical psychosis is on the rise. The following are a few pointers that should ring a bell in a woman’s head if they see these signs in their prospective partners and run as far away as possible from them as fast as possible,
5 Warning signs that he might be a psychopath
- Accelerated relationship timeline
Because the psychopath knows that he cannot maintain his façade of normalcy forever, he moves the relationship along at an alarming rate. The psychopath will claim immediate intimacy with you. He often uses the word “soul-mate” early in the relationship. Proposals of marriage or living together are frequently offered just weeks or months after first meeting him.
- He seems too good to be true
This is the man who gives you the love and attention you’ve always dreamed about (another apt description of this phenomenon is “love-bombing”). He can’t get enough of you and uses the “L” word far earlier than you would expect. If his attention seems almost too overwhelming, use this opportunity to slow things down and re-evaluate.
- Your family and closest friends question his intent
Those closest to you are not trying to dissuade you from following your heart because they are jealous or petty. These are the people who have known you and loved you the longest and who want only the best for you. So please, do not ignore their concerns. Use their concern as an opportunity to re-evaluate the relationship — or at least slow it down a little.
- He tells great stories, but the facts don’t seem to add up
The psychopath frequently is an entertaining and master storyteller and a pathological liar. When the inconsistencies of his lies are brought to his attention, he will gloss over the facts or will deftly change the subject.
- Something about him just seems “off”
The women who fall prey to the psychopath tend to be very trusting and generous. That quality, when combined with his overpowering “love-bombing,” can overwhelm a woman’s innate inner warning system, what has been termed women’s intuition or “gut-feeling.” If you have the feeling something is just not right, don’t ignore it. Try to figure out the source of your consternation.
The idea of the article is not to discourage anyone to marry an NRI but is merely to warn everyone against a practice that is fast becoming an epidemic. As it is said prevention is better than cure so we can take care of a few things before we proceed with an NRI match,
- Do a thorough background check on the groom and his family
- Ask for all the documents of his work
- Pay a visit to his work place at least once and cross check if he really works there.
- Ask for his passport details and keep a copy of the same
- Visit his residence once or twice.
Marriage is a beautiful union of two lives who decide to spend the rest of their lives together. And it should be all about just that. A little alertness and awareness can save us from a lot of ugliness later.
A small happy life is far better than a huge sham….